That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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