just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
