Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
