It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
