I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
