If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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