if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
