come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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