I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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