how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
