You smell like stripper and shame
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
