I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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