So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
