You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
