So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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