conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
