oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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