Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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