I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
