no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Enjoy the penises
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
