I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
