Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Randomize
