She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
