glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
