Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
