If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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