Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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