her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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