You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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