everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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