Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And then my night got REAL pukey
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
