the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
