when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
