He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize