Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
