As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
