I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
