Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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