Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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