It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sarcasm needs its own font
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
