TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
