I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Couch. On fire.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
