i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
