Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
