dude i'm inner monologue high
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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