I faked an abortion last night.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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