i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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