Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
