I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
