theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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