Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
