I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
