Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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