The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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