Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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