yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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