Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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