Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
