my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
