when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
