To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
