Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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