...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
