i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
