you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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