the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
