U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
