listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
