Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize