A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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