I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
