guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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